attention is fun

Nicolas Cage is the Man.

xx — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 20:29:34 +0000

A friend sent me this video a week ago and it made my day. I never realized how great Nicolas Cage was until I watched this video. Enjoy!

Introducing DagYo.com

xx — Thu, 16 Dec 2010 20:21:32 +0000

My good friend, Will Kearney, just launched one of the best blog’s in the history of the blogesphere, dagyo.com. Kearney describes “Dag, yo” as:

”all encompassing; the phrase captures everything from the regret you felt when you ordered regular fries at 5 Guys and then later realized that they had Cajun fries – to the surprise you felt when you found out WikiLeaks was not in fact a Will Smith/Sisqo follow up track to Wiki-Wiki-Wild-Wild-West. “

While there have only been two posts thus far, both are intelligent, witty and poignant. The first post takes on the ridiculousness of the NJ Transit schedule/inevitable delays and even provides a great solution to the problem. While the second post exposes the Gillette’s non-existent pricing model.

This blog has unlimited potential to continue it’s greatness and I think everyone should do themselves a favor and check it out. Dag, yo!

This is a Real Commercial.

xx — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 04:27:03 +0000

I just saw this commercial on TV.

Rejected VH1 SMS Blast Copy

xx — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 16:24:20 +0000

Each week (at work) we put out a weekly wrap-up of VH1′s hottest content and yours truly writes copy for the SMS blast message. Here is some copy I wrote that got rejected almost immediately:

VH1: Boo! Did we scare you? Oh, sorry. No seriously, come back. We have some spooky celebrity costumes & also a lot of side boob!
VH1: Ghosts, ghouls and gigantic boobs! All the things VH1 is most famous for on this week’s wrap-up!
VH1: Washed up celebrities dressed as other washed up celebrities! The world just exploded. Check out the weekly wrap-up!
VH1: You know what’s spooky? The amount of penecillin needed to keep the VH1 family’s VD under control. Happy Halloween. Click here
VH1: Boo! Flavor Flav is going to try to kiss you! Shit’s getting real scary over here on the weekly wrap-up.

To sign up for and see what actually makes the cut for real you can text VIP to 22422 if you feel so inclined.

The Jonathan Taylor Thomas

xx — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 19:59:30 +0000

Most people don’t know this about me, because I try to hide the crazy until it’s too late for a quick escape but, I have a tendency to create initialisms of virtually everything people say to me. One phrase I hear all the time is ‘Just The Tip’. For those of you who don’t know (which is probably no one who is reading this blog) ‘just the tip’ refers to placing the tip of a man’s penis into your vagina when you’re fooling around. Typically this is not considered ‘sex’ (even though it 100% is sex by definition) and allows the girl to justify how much she is not a whore the next morning when she’s explaing to her friends why her sex number has not gone up even though a new man was inside of her.

I digress…

Everytime anyone says ‘just the tip’ to me, in any context, my brain says ‘JTT’. And since I grew up oogling teen heartthrobs in ’Tiger Beat’ and ‘Bop’ magazines, my brain instinctively goes right to ”Jonathan Taylor Thomas,” as I’m sure everyone is aware, is how he was reffered to for the more important years of his life. I think it makes sense considering I think the game ‘just the tip’ and the actor, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, are both kinda sexy, kinda funny and neither will get me pregnant (science please don’t prove me wrong).

So when having juicy sex talk I am constantly saying “Did you play Jonathan Taylor Thomas?” and no one has any idea what I’m talking about. So here it is people, Jonathan Taylor Thomas will henceforth be slang for playing ‘just the tip.’ Get with the program.

the perfect man.

The Many Languages of Dogs

xx — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 19:25:27 +0000

Sometimes Often, I think about really pointless things. One reoccurring question is: do animals that live in different countries speak different languages? In other words, would a Chinese dog be able to understand an American dog’s bark? My personal position on this topic has been: ‘No, they would not understand each other.’ Unfortunately I never had any empirical evidence to prove this point until now:

Maybe it’s racist to assume this is true of all Asian dogs from this one video, but c’mon this dog is super Asian.

Don’t Push Me Cause I’m Close to a Well.

xx — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 16:25:15 +0000

Today might be national douchebag day. Everyone I’ve come into contact with has been rude to me. It’s a great way to start the day. All of these wonderful interactions have sparked a dream in my heart. What’s the dream you ask? It’s that I get to push these wonderful humans down a well.

You might say that is cold blooded, but it gets better. After I push them down said well, I will tell them I’m going to get help/supplies/a news crew and will just leave, never to return. These desires would be easily quelled if people would just be nice to me. So hey, people, stop taking out your problems on me because I will push you down a fucking well.

Just When I Thought I Couldn’t Love Paul Rudd Any More

xx — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 20:19:45 +0000

Anyone who knows me, knows I love Paul Rudd. He is the only celebrity that I actually would care to say that I care about ever. He’s a dream. Anyway – I really thought I was at capacity for how much I could love/admire someone I hadn’t met without being psycho, but also I was shown this magnificent video yesterday and it’s as if I’m watching ‘Clueless’ for the first time all over again.

Do You Have 10″ Nipples? Then Where Do You Buy Your Bras?

xx — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 17:37:28 +0000

I don’t normally frequent Home Depot, but I went last month and was pleasantly surprised to find that they could service all my nipple needs, no matter the size.

I Just Defriended 1000 People on Facebook

xx — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 17:54:27 +0000

Facebook started my freshman year in college. I reluctantly joined after a friend made me join so he could “have more friends.” Immediately after signing up I realized that I looked pretty lame having only one friend and starting hounding my real life friends to join and be my digital friend. And from there it violently spiraled out of control. I started feeling like one of the crazies on the show ‘Hoarders: Buried Alive’ except I’m being crushed by status updates, mobile uploads and engagement announcements instead of envelopes from 1984.

Flash forward six years later. I have 1783 friends. I know. It’s absolutely ridiculous. While I am a social butterfly, my facebook was out of control and it was only getting worse. My friends ranged from people who I actually love and speak to regularly, to people that I drunkenly became best friends with (for one night) at a frat party. Then of course, friends of friends who had visited for the weekend, classmates, sorority sisters, coworkers, family members, people who went to my high school that I didn’t remember but felt bad rejecting, etc.

I debated whether or not it was mean to defriend people. Most times I decided that yes it was, but regardless I really did not want to have that many digital friends. In past generations, the people who were important to you were the ones who stayed in your mind and gave you life updates. While now, I know way too much information about people that I barely knew in the first place and whom I will ultimately never see again. And I’m sure these people know way more about me than I’m comfortable with.

I figured the only way to not make it a personal attack on anyone was to do one giant defriending. And I have to say, it felt amazing. Even though literally nothing has changed in my real life, I feel so free of so much excess baggage of my past.

Unfortunately, even after defriending 1000 people I still have 815 friends. Ideally, I’d like to have about 100 or so friends, but the world we live in is not perfect.

I guess I’ll just have to stop being so damn likable.